The rumors were true after all. Donald Trump just admitted he was a Hillary Clinton plant the whole time. Many have suspected as much but now Donald Trump himself has admitted that he is running as a Republican to ensure Hillary Clinton will win in November. Trump revealed via Twitter that he made a deal with Hillary in late May mere weeks before he announced his run.
After Donald Trump made this announcement we reached out to his incarcerated campaign manager Corey Lewandoski who filled us in on the whole story:
Electing Hillary Clinton, the most disliked Democrat politician in decades, would have been impossible unless she were running against a Republican that was even worse. Although, it couldn’t just be any Republican, it would have to be the absolute worst Republican in the country. It would have to be a Republican that was so bad even other Republicans would denounce them. It would have to be someone that would split the party and ensure Hillary could win the White House with only 40% of the vote.
That was a tall order and when Hillary first started looking for someone for this role she found her options limited. Bill had been trying to help too and brought up his trouble to his old friend Donald Trump on one of their frequent calls. It was then that the opportunistic Trump suggested he could be that accomplice the Clintons were looking for. At first, Bill didn’t think it was plausible. After all, Trump had been a New York liberal for sixty five years! Bill didn’t think that any Republican would ever believe the miraculous coincidence that Trump found conservatism in an election year.
When Bill first told Hillary about the idea of their friend Trump running as a Republican she couldn’t believe it at first either. Trump had invited them to his most recent wedding and everyone knew they were friends.
But, being the master salesman that he is, Trump convinced Hillary that he would be able to win over enough of a plurality to pull it off. He let them in on a little secret he had long used in business: the bigger the lie, and the more you say it, the more people will believe it. That’s how Trump was able to con so many banks into giving him money for doomed projects that would inevitably go bankrupt.
Trump even came up with the first of many such unbelievable statements on that very first call. Trump thought that saying Mexico would pay for the border wall would be so ridiculous that the Republican base might actually believe it. He had no idea how right he would be.
Hillary was reluctant at first but they ended up making a deal that day anyway. Donald Trump agreed to be their bomb thrower in the Republican party and do as much damage to that party’s brand as possible. Their original idea was just to hurt the other Republican candidates by association. Neither Hillary nor Trump knew how successful his brand of ignorant neo-fascism would be.
As the campaign pressed on, each grew more surprised by the success of their plot. After Donald Trump became the Republican front runner the two held another secret meeting to discuss if there was any need to keep going. By this point, the Republican party had already been so crippled by Trump’s alienation of independents, women, and minorities that their chances of winning the election were vanishingly small.
It was then that Trump decided that he’d done enough and wanted to quit. He didn’t like all the hard work of going on television shows to talk about issues and some shows had even stopped letting him call in! After all, Trump had already put more effort into this endeavor than he had put into many of his past bankruptcies and scams. This campaign was almost the real deal.
Hillary admitted that Trump had done his job well and more or less accomplished all that he could to ensure she would win in November. As much as she was still hated, Americans hated the Republican party even more now thanks to Trump. She cut him loose but told him to keep their deal under wraps until after the election and drop out quietly.
Of course, Trump, being the narcissist that he is, couldn’t just up and quit the race without claiming victory. After all, Trump always wins – even when he declares bankruptcy four times in a row. He took to Twitter to let the world know that he wasn’t just quitting. Donald Trump revealed he was a Hillary Clinton plant the whole time and had made the deal of a lifetime. With Hillary in the White House he would be guaranteed a lifetime of political favors that might just keep him from declaring bankruptcy a fifth time.
And there you have it. Donald Trump was a Hillary Clinton plant all along. Trump ran as a Republican to help Hillary win what would have otherwise been an impossible election. Now that the cat is out of the bag we’ll see if the decapitated Republican party has any hope of uniting to overcome Trump’s delegate lead. Although, given how incompetent they’ve been so far, it’s pretty likely this won’t make too much of a difference.